Divorce: some thoughts

 Become familiar with the research regarding reasons for divorce.

One specific research topic I was surprised about was in a book that Dr. Michelle Weiner-Davis. Dr. Michelle Weiner-Davis is a licensed and certified marriage and family therapist and an author of several marriage and family therapy books. In one of her books she told couples and audiences that “they can stop divorce single-handedly”, this was a hard pill to swallow for married couples. When there is a big task or problem no one lies to do it alone while other people sit around. It’s not fair, right? I really liked this principle, however, it reminds me of other movies I’ve seen. It is called fireproof. This movie is about a married couple, the husband is a firefighter and the wife is a nurse. On top of their busy work schedules, they are also drifting away due to pornography addictions and other co-workers getting a little flirty. The husband finally realizes he doesn't want to get a divorce, he first works on his own problems. And then after seeking counsel from his father who also went through marital problems, he embarks on a marriage saving program where he intentionally and thoughtfully serves his wife in an effort to prove his love for her. The wife is not impressed at first, in fact she thinks he's trying to butter her up so that the legal responsibilities of getting divorced might be waived by her. Eventually she begins to let him serve her and eventually they are able to serve their marriage. I like this because it shows that with earnest desire and effort that you can change the sometimes unchangeable outcomes.

Recognize several unique challenges facing the remarried family.

Career & Salary Responsibilities: Especially so for the husband/ father figure of the house, after a divorce the demand for them to provide a steady income increases exponentially. After being divorced a husband/ father is legally obligated to continue to provide for the financial welfare of his children. On top of that if he decides to remarry that is essentially two families he must then provide for. Often after a divorce a father/ husband figure has to focus more of his attention and time on his job, pursuing a path that would enlarge his earnings. This sometimes requires the husband to move away from close proximity with his children and ex-wife to different locations where he can find better work. As you can imagine the added stress of work and the distance make making time for his children that much harder. That is one unique challenge of a remarried/ divorced family. 

Parental Responsibilites: And then obviously after a divorce and before remarriage there is no longer a two person team to watch over and raise the children. After divorce parents find that fathers will have to take on mother-like roles and that mothers will have to take on father-like roles. This is sometimes difficult because we innately are fit for the role they our gender reflects. Not sexist, but genders do have certain strengths and weaknesses. Not to say that mothers when needed can't step up and fill and even magnify father roles and vise versa that fathers can’t fill the crack and be exceptional mother figures. Notwithstanding as you would imagine having twice the roles to fill and responsibilities to curry It will be that much more stressful.

Getting a divorce is not always bad, there are always situations and exceptions where divorces will make both parties happier and will increase their potential to grow; however, it is proven that struggling marriages have found that waiting a few years has often helped their marriage. When having difficulties it is so important to see professionals to help see if you have actually used everything in your arsenal to save your marriage.