Dating is a tool, you're not. BE INTENTIONAL :) :P :3 :D ;)

The other night my friends and I watched the Marvel movie, Shang Chi. In the movie, Katy (Awkwafina) remembers some wise advice her mother gave to her, "If You Aim At Nothing, You Hit Nothing."

Today, as simply as possible, I want to talk about “Being intentional”, in regards to dating.


Let's first ask, why do we date?

I like to compare dating to an ice cream shop. A good ice cream shop has lots of flavors; likewise, the earth has so many different personalities/ people. I’d be sad to think I’m the only one who, when going into an ice cream shop, samples ALL the flavors! I just want to pick the tastiest one! Sometimes, I *think* I know what flavor I want, but to make sure, I “scoop”/scope out the competition. I learn that I might like a specific flavor because it's sweet, thick, smooth, nutty, or strong. I might not like a flavor because it’s too salty, plain, soft, or bitter. After adequate and thorough research, I THEN choose the flavor of my liking. Finding your “someone” is like finding your ice cream, it takes forethought, experience, and comparison.

Throughout our lives, we’re learning the qualities and personalities we like. For example, we watch our Fathers and Mothers patiently teach you how to throw a ball or them hugging you after a long hard day and we love them because of their personalities. We go to school, have our favorite teachers, we have favorite characters in books that we connect to, and we have those friends we surround ourselves with.

In a “dating life,” it’s sometimes hard to pinpoint the type of person/ who we like. My suggestion, however, is to think of dating as a tool. Despite popular belief, it doesn’t mean you’re a “Tool” if you use dating as a tool to find the type of person you like. College students change their majors all the time and no one judges them for trying to find something they’ll love; so then why should we judge others for taking time to find the type of person you will literally and hopefully spend your forever with. Dating is a tool to pinpoint the qualities, characteristics, and type of person you like (your ice cream).


Second, how do you date?

Just to illustrate, have you ever surprisingly had a break in your busy life schedule? A day off? It’s rare, I know. On this rare occasion we get super excited, we text our friends, and we make big plans; however, coincidentally, when the sun sets and we realize all we did all day was lay around the house, watch T.V., and we DID NOT do anything too exciting. It was relaxing, but, matter of factly, we DIDN’T do anything. Metaphorically, dating and relationships hit the same chord. Was it a waste of your time? What just happened? What are we doing?

In class this week we talked about “hanging out” versus “dating”. This is a quick run down of what we discussed. Hanging out, it’s chill… it’s chill because it’s low commitment, you’re legit killing. When you’re hanging out with someone and you get bored you can just jump on your phone, take a nap, or even just dip out entirely. There’s not a lot of pre-planning or responsibility, everyone is just going with the flow. Hanging out is usually not paired off, officially that is, usually, you don’t go out of your way to make it a 1 on 1 outing. On the other hand, dating is a commitment. For example Q: Do you want to go on a date? A: Yes. = “Sweet!.” Another example: Q: Do you want to go on a date? A: No. = “my mom says I’m handsome...”. A date is someone’s responsibility to plan the agenda/schedule. Additionally, someone usually assumes responsibility for paying the bills during date night. And lastly, it’s intentionally paired off, you and your date. 

Like the analogy above, having a good day is nice every now and then, and so is hanging out, but if you’re interested in a person, BE INTENTIONAL, ask them on a date! Otherwise, your day might turn out to be uneventful.


Lastly, dating doesn’t have to be scary. 

We’re talking about dating being committal, but don’t let that word scare you! The levels of “commitment” vary. You CAN date leisurely, again you’re NOT a tool. Going on dates, your only commitment is getting to know someone, sampling the flavors. You’re getting to know them, you're starting to trust them.

When you decide to exclusively date someone you are committing to see if they’re spouse material. You trust them, you learn how to rely on them.

And if you decide they’re “the one”, you then fully commit yourself to them, you are theirs and they are yours, “Commitment is a choice to give up other choices” - Dr. Scott Stanley.


BE INTENTIONAL.

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